Outta My Head
by IceCreamAndPizza
Summary: When Misty suddenly leaves Ash, she breaks his heart and he does all he can to forget her. In his preparation for his big move to Johto, he comes across the memories he once tried to bury deep in his closet. But can he really ignore them forever? Or must he face the memories-and her-head on? Based on the song by the same title. One-Shot.


_Outta My Head_

Armed with moving boxes, plastic containers, and a trash bag, Ash entered his bedroom and began the arduous task of packing up his things. After four years of living in the Indigo Plateau, he was being relocated to Johto. He didn't own very much, but packing was still a hassle.

Starting with his closet, Ash removed his clothes and shoes, tossing them into an empty box. As he dug through the junk covering the bottom of the floor, his hand brushed a beat-up shoebox, the lid slightly ajar. Shifting his eyes to the contents of the box, he felt his stomach drop before it twisted and turned in that nauseating way.

Inside was a large stack of letters, each with his name written on the envelope in small, tight letters. They had all been written by the same person over the span of his year spent training in the mountains. He had missed her badly, but it had all been worth it when he finally became the champion of both Kanto and Johto. At least, that's what he wanted to believe when his dream finally came true.

He honestly hadn't thought about Misty in quite some time, throwing himself into his work in an attempt to put the relationship and its devastating end behind him. It was better that way he told himself as he tossed the shoebox into an empty cardboard box. She had broken his heart, and even though Brock had tried his best to keep the peace, in the end, what had been best for the both of them was when Misty had moved to Alola, far, far away from any chance encounters.

He tried hard to push the memories from his mind, but he continued to uncover the memories his previous self had buried deep in his closet in an attempt to forget it all. Amongst the rubble of their relationship, he found a small stack of CDs, many of which had been cracked in half. On them were the songs of their favorite band and the other was a playlist Misty had made for him when he was traveling and training. When he had started traveling by himself more, he recalled listening to the songs on loop, nearly draining the batteries of his PokéGear on several occasions.

He couldn't deny that their time apart had put a strain on their relationship, but he never thought it would be what brought it to an end. They'd survived the distance before, so why would it be any different when they were dating? But after two years together it had all somehow come crashing down when he came home to his apartment and she was gone. She left no explanation, just a note saying was breaking up with him and his heart shattered on the floor. Ash later found out from friends that she had gone to Alola, but that was as much as he cared to know.

OOO

By the time he'd cleared out most of his room, Ash had accumulated a small pile of her belongings, including two tickets for a Water Pokémon show he had planned on taking her to for her birthday. He'd even found an old sock of hers under his bed, probably from the times they had been in a hurry to reconnect with one another upon his return from a particularly long time on the road. For now, though, her belongings and the memories that came along with them were better kept in his closet than playing over and over in his head.

As the days went by, though, try as he might, the memories followed him as he went about his days. One day he'd even convinced himself that she was going to walk through the front door and that it had all been a bad dream. That if he played the songs they'd once spent hours listening to together, he could hear her singing in the kitchen, using whatever was nearby to tap a beat along with the music. In those moments he was happy, but the anger and pain would quickly return when he finally caught up to the reality of it all. He had to get a grip on himself, but first, he had to get rid of the memories.

He didn't know if she would want any of her things back, but the least he could do was drop them off at the Cerulean City Gym and let her sisters deal with it. Maybe even Brock could do it for him, so he wouldn't even have to face the sisters. Every time he saw them, they looked at him with sympathy, talking to him as if a single mention of their baby sister would break him.

OOO

Even though she wasn't here, Ash felt his stomach twist in knots as he approached the Cerulean City Gym. The memories of the times he'd spent here over the years played like a movie in his head. From the time he'd first discovered, much to Misty's chagrin, that she called this gym home to the last time he'd step foot in here when he asked her sisters if he could ask their baby sister to marry him. This place was just as much of a home as the small cottage back in Pallet.

 _In and out_ , he reminded himself as he rang the doorbell. Drop off the belongings and leave; no time for small talk or meaningless conversations about how he was doing.

As the door opened, he felt all the warmth from his body rush out, leaving him cold and clammy. It wasn't Daisy, Lily or Violet at the door; it was Misty, and she looked just as surprised to see him standing on her front step.

"Ash…" Misty gasped. Wrapping her arms around herself, she shifted nervously on the balls of her feet. "What are you doing here?"

"Just dropping off some stuff of yours I found…" he explained. He was too shocked and nervous to say much more. _What is she doing here?_ his brain screamed. She was supposed to be far away in Alola.

"Oh. Um, thank you." The tension was so thick between them it felt like she was miles away. "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah," he answered, not sure of how much detail he should go into. "I'm relocating to Johto."

"Oh, that's exciting," she replied, trying her best to give him an assuring smile. He knew it was fake though. He just never thought he'd be on the receiving end of one. _What had happened?_ "Well, I'm sure you're in a hurry. I don't want to keep you."

"Yeah," he vaguely nodded. Handing her the box, he was careful to not let their hands touch. "Here."

"Thank you," she replied. She was being so cordial it made him sick. Where was her anger? Where was the fiery and spunky attitude she never kept under wraps? Where was _his_ Misty?

Opening the box, she glanced at the contents, her eyes scanning over the memories contained inside. Stuffing his hands into his pocket, Ash stared down at the ground, not sure of what to do. Should he just leave? Say goodbye first? What was the protocol for running into an ex when things hadn't ended well?

"Well, thank you again. Have a safe trip, okay?"

"Okay, thanks."

Turning around, he made his way down the long, winding path that led to the city of Cerulean. Before he could get too far, though, he heard her voice call out to him.

"Ash! Wait!"

With the box tucked under her arm, she jogged over to him. When she stood in front of him, he saw the panic flash across her face. Whatever she had just decided to do, she was regretting ever going through with it.

Now that there wasn't much distance between them, he began to notice things about her he'd missed earlier. Ash could feel the familiar twinge of longing and regret. _She's beautiful_ , he caught himself thinking, but beautiful didn't even begin to describe the way she looked. He remembered her lean, athletic frame that she'd developed from years of competitive swimming, but that given way to a more womanly figure, curves and all. The evening sun reflected off her now slightly longer copper red hair, giving her an almost fiery halo, and her eyes were still the same vibrant color of the ocean she loved so much. He swore he even spotted some light makeup around her eyes.

 _She broke your heart_ he reminded himself. _She just left you without any explanation._

Misty fidgeted with her hands, looking everywhere but at him. He'd never known her to be nervous about anything, but it was clear she was having some sort of internal battle with herself.

"Can we talk?" she finally asked, and Ash nearly snorted with laughter. _She wanted to talk? To him? Was she joking?_ When he said nothing, she continued on. "Please? I feel like I need to explain some things."

"And you didn't think when you just left was a good time?" he sneered. He knew his words were harsh, but she had hurt him. And even though time had passed, he'd never gotten the chance to tell her how he felt about everything.

"Look, I know you're mad…"

"Mad? I'm more than mad, Misty. I'm furious," he told her. Pinning his hands to his sides, he clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms. He could feel his body start to shake as he fought hard to keep his pain from bubbling to the surface. "You just left! I came home and I found a letter saying we were through. You didn't even have the decency to explain why."

"I know," she replied, her face falling. Lifting a finger, she lightly brushed away the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. "I screwed up and I'm so sorry."

"Can you at least tell me why?"

"I was scared," she admitted to him. He could see the shame on her face as she tried to explain to him the reasoning behind her sudden departure. "You'd just become the champion and, I don't know, I panicked. I was supposed to become a Water Pokémon Master, but I was still in the exact same place I'd been when I first left home. I felt like I'd just settled and completely lost sight of my dream."

"Misty, you could have told me."

"I know, but I didn't know how," she explained. "Part of me blamed you. I know that wasn't true, but at the time it was what made it easiest to leave. I had it all planned out. I would go to Alola and research water pokémon and battle in the leagues over there. When I won, I would come back and challenge the Elite Four for a spot. And then…then, I would find you again. Show you that I could do it without you."

"Misty…you're crazy."

"I know," she sighed, a small smile pulling on the corners of her mouth. "But it was a huge mistake. I hated it over there. I lived in this crappy apartment, the beaches were overcrowded with tourists who couldn't care less about battling, and the closest I ever got to working with water Pokémon was working at the aquarium as a volunteer. I was ready to go home after a month."

"How long have you been home?"

"About a week," she replied.

Ash nodded, taking in everything she had said. "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"I'm not," she shrugged. "I was a coward, and I deserve everything that happened. I'm just sorry that you got hurt along the way. It was never your fault."

If he wanted, he could turn around right now and that would be the end of them. He would never have to see her again if he didn't want to, but things were so much different now that she was standing in front of him.

Pulling the two tickets from his back pocket, he thumbed them carefully, thinking everything over. He could go on and on about how she had broken his heart, but deep down he still loved her. She was only human, and it was human nature to make mistakes, right? But could he forgive her? There was only one way to find out.

"Hey Mist," he called. "What are you doing next Friday night?"

* * *

 **Based on the song, Outta My Head by Liz Longley. I found it on the Pokeshipping playlist on Spotify. You should check it out. ;)**


End file.
